Taking a Stance

As most of you know, I don’t only write for my own site, Resourceful Mommy, but for a variety of sites and brands around the web.  Recently I learned with some disappointment that my writing was no longer a fit for one of the sites.  The nerd girl in me struggled with this.  I’m one of those people who needs to be good at everything I do.  This, by the way, is why I don’t play volleyball.  It doesn’t end well for anyone, and I don’t look good in those tiny, little shorts.  I also don’t deal well with rejection.  I’m not sure that anyone likes rejection, but the overachiever in me will tell you that I’m great at overreacting to rejection.  That’s right. I overreact better than most people.

I wanted to know more about why I was no longer a fit.  Was my writing lacking? How could I improve?  What were my shortcomings?

While this isn’t the only point that was made, one thing that they told me was that they needed people who would be willing and able to write about anything, who wouldn’t say that they weren’t comfortable with something, who wouldn’t be afraid to take a stance.  They told me that they know I couldn’t write about certain things because of my brand and my business.

Let the record show that I have no problem writing about personal topics, saying things that make people angry, or even biting the hand that feeds me if there’s something that I feel needs to be said. I also have no desire to work with a client now or ever who believes that they can quiet my voice or ask me to lie about how I feel.  I’ve always been an outspoken person – I believe my dad called it being loud – and I’d rather never cash another check than be silenced at this stage of the game after 34 years of pissing people off.

I wanted a specific example.  When had I cowered and refused to write about a topic? Me, the woman who publicly called her husband out for buying her lingerie for her birthday?  Really?

I was told that I refused to write about gay marriage.  This cannot be true because I’m a strong proponent of gay marriage, or as I like to call it, marriage.  I’m pretty sure that the union between two committed people doesn’t have a sexuality, and I’m also sure that sexuality has nothing to do with the basic rights of people.

So what did I refuse to write about one time that sent the signal that I’m not willing to write about anything without holding back?  I refused to write about the sexuality of my four year old son.  That’s right.  I refused to sit down and type 400 to 500 words about the sexuality of my precious child, covering if I would throw him out of the house, if I would still love him, or if I would support him. I refused to subject my child who is still so young that he doesn’t even understand gender constructs fully – nor should he – to any future, hypothetical prejudices.  I refused to address whether or not any members of my Christian family or even my own church would believe his soul to be damned to hell.  I refused to publicly declare how I would treat my son based on his sexuality for the sake of what….traffic? Sensationalism?

I have no problem putting myself out there. I’ve talked to you about my health, my weight, my hopes, my fears, and yes, even struggles with my children.  But I drew the line at discussing something so precious and not mine as my pre-schooler’s future sexuality.

Oh look at that.  I guess it turns out that I can take a stance on sensitive topics after all.

Written by: Amy

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49 Comments

  • WOW. Obviously the people that made this judgement about you are not people you want to work with. I am appalled with them but oh so proud of you. I love ya Amy!! I know you are a strong writer and their mistake is going to cost them so much money that you could have made them.

  • And this is why I admire you. You own who you are with no apologies but are still a smart and successful business woman.

  • Good for you. I am proud of you for this post. You are a person who knows where to draw the line as to what is and is not appropriate to write about. Writing about our children is very tricky because we have to be careful. Those subjects are THEIR life, not always ours. What goes on the internet will not go away.

    Bravo!

  • I am so proud to call you a friend, and please stop feeling disappointed. This just means that you are too good for them.

  • Nothing else needs to be said. You get to decide your fate, and you drew a line in the sand. If someone takes that for anything but conviction. I have a few four letter words for them.

  • I was going to say…you did just write about it…and very well 🙂

    Your writing will be better served elsewhere just think of it as that…they opened up space for you to work with a better outlet.

  • Kate, aka Guavalicious

    Thank you for taking a stance and for writing openly about it. Just because we blog doesn’t mean our lives are for sale.

  • This is called having principles, something a lot of bloggers could probably stand to learn from. Thanks for taking a stand and valuing the ones you love more than traffic, money, or “success.”

  • Wow…Just wow. Good for you for being one of those bloggers who is willing to stand up for yourself AND protect your child. Why is that such an unusual concept anymore, and what does that say about those who are willing to expose their children…. You are an awesome Mom!

    • I’m back. Because more needs to be said. They are a BIG bunch of bullies. And bully creators. They have their heads so far into the numbers that they’re okay asking parents to risk relationships with their families? And, more so, children’s futures. NOT COOL.

      You can’t put the toothpaste back into the tube.

  • Amanda

    Good for you! As always I am proud to be your friend.

  • You are a rock star! Such an inspiration to others – proud of you!

  • Amy you so did the right thing! I am actually shocked that anyone would think it odd that you would not write about something like that about your kids. Good for you!

  • Amy I’m so glad this happened so you can open the eyes of brands and pr that just because you may choose to make your life public doesn’t give them access to your child. Amen to the Amen ~ and you know I’m a huge fan of drawing the line proudly without a single glance back ~ bring it! =)

  • They had they’re own unstated reason, likely nothing to do with you (and certainly not what they said) for severing things. I’m the same and would want to know, but you responded really well here… if I were your friend and had earned the right, I’d say let it go, and good riddance. Well, looks like I butted in and said it anyway. 😉 Your friends (and I) will tell you, quite correctly, you are right and they are wrong. No point giving them the power to upset you further, or wasting another thought on them. Their loss, Amy.

  • Your first priority in any situation has to be to you, and your family, and what is best for you. It sounds like that is exactly what you did, and you should be proud of yourself for that. You can never be wrong standing up for yourself and your children.

  • I’ve said it before and I will say it again. You always have been and always will be better than that. They should have nothing but the utmost respect for someone who won’t compromise their children for pageviews. The way I see it, you are more than opinionated and not afraid to say your piece. What you aren’t is trashy and that seems to be what they are looking for right now. Good luck to them. They’ll need it to find a comparable replacement.

  • That is complete bullsh*t! I agree with you wholeheartedly!

  • I absolutely believe you did the right thing. It is one thing to lay it all out on the line, when it is you…even if it involves another adult. But not when it is your child.

  • I just want it on the record my 3 year old son has a girlfriend in his class and he totally tries to make out with her…. #justsaying 😛

  • While I can appreciate you taking the stance I’m a bit wow’d about the fact that they would kick you out because you choose to keep something so precious private. I suppose I need to stop by more often and read.

    It actually makes me mad that someone could think they could force you into covering a topic that could really hurt him one day. True or not or possibly things would change.

    I can say that I’m sure may other people someone I know actually is facing the same topic and although we don’t really discuss it in detail it’s very obvious. Bless your heart and I applaud you for standing your ground.

  • Good for you for standing your ground. That was a ridiculous request in my opinion and I would have done the same thing you did. Just goes to show what a great mom you are 🙂

  • Great post. But would you paint his toe nails pink?

  • I’m so uber-protective of my kids in the first place, but asking you to predict such a scenario about your own child is crossing the line. Like a bad relationship, this site needed kicked to the curb, but they mislead you into thinking you did something wrong so they could feel better about cutting it off. I love how you said that it’s not yours to discuss. It’s beautiful to realize that our children ultimately are out of our hands and will never be just how we imagine them. They’ll be so much more.

  • Ugh. Some people are so obsessed with pushing their agendas they lose all sight of protecting the innocence of children. Good for you for drawing the line where you felt comfortable. More moms should be like you! I definitely don’t think it’s appropriate to discuss children’s sexuality online and I really don’t think that’s a fringe attitude…I think most people would agree with me!

  • anne

    i think you’re right on this. do 4 yo kids have a sexuality? of is this just some commercialization of the idea the company is looking for?

  • As always……you are a class act! Well said

  • I AM SOOOO PROUD OF YOU! You know what I got told something similar by the very same company only the words that were used to me was that I wasn’t a “team player”. I took a stance but chose not to blog about it. You are making me re-think that decision.

  • I thought somebody had already cornered the market on posting about the possibility that their 4 year old was gay…. 😉

    This is an excellent post. Well-written, smart and right on point.

    Would make an excellent topic at a conference… {hint, hint.}

  • […] Taking a Stance by Amy Lubold Bair of Resourceful Mommy […]

  • Ok, this pisses me off. Really.

    First of all, boy does it say a lot about the company you experienced this with. Who do they think they are? They asked you to do something that is an obvious candidate for a judgement call. You decide what you think is crossing the line when it comes to child. They had no right AT ALL to penalize you for it.

    Kudos to you Amy for digging your heels in. Shame on the company that didn’t see this “writing assignment” wasn’t in the category of “if you want to do this, great and if you don’t want to, no problem.”

    Makes me wonder how they teat their child(ren). A parent MUST ALWAYS think, “how will this affect my child?”

  • Mom over money. Integrity over site traffic. Amy over company suggesting you make the sensationalized choice. You know there really is only one choice when given the option. Your hire rate just surpassed what they could offer you. Kudos my friend.

  • I got kicked out of a BIG name ad company because I have Bible verses on my site and they thought that some publishers might consider that offensive. Some of the other sites they advertise on have nudity, other religious beliefs, political beliefs but my Christian Bible verses were offensive? I was outraged, complained to my family and a few bloggers and eventually let it go. I probably could have caused a big stink, and I partially wanted to but I decided to let it go. I think you handled your situation with class. You didn’t deserve to be treated like that but you responded well! This is my first visit to your site but I’ll definitely be back!

  • Janet

    Amy, I’m late to the game, but you took the right stance. I know you would never turn your back on your childen for any reason, and I’m sure your children know that, too. If you want to keep certain things private & off-limits with the media, you have every right to do so.

  • asmithonline

    How bold of them to even ask you! My daughter is 4 and I’m still explaining to her how ‘really’ important it is to wipe good and clean after a bathroom visit nevermind thinking about her sexuality. I don’t even like typing it at this point it’s so far out of my mind. Bold I say… off with their heads!

  • […] Taking a Stance by Amy Lubold Bair of Resourceful Mommy […]

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