Everything You Need to Know.
CAUTION: This post may contain references to vampires and sex, though not necessarily in the same sentence.
Early in our marriage, my husband and I decided to spend a Saturday at Mt. Vernon, George Washington’s estate in Virginia near Washington, DC. It was the weekend after the World Series, and so we used our little Saturday jaunt as part of our bet regarding who would win the Pennant. The loser? Well, the loser of the bet had to spend our time at Mt. Vernon asking stupid questions. And please don’t believe what your teachers told you. There are, in fact, stupid questions.
I lost, as did the Yankees, and so at the end of our tour that morning, after many slightly off and a bit peculiar questions, I ended with this gem for our tour guide: “So, when George Washington was assassinated, did he leave any of his property to his slave mistress, Sally Hemings?”
For those of you who doodled your way through American history class, George Washington died in his own bed, likely of pneumonia. And Sally Hemings was Thomas Jefferson’s mistress, not Washington’s. Now that we’re all caught up on the facts, imagine me trying desperately to keep a straight face while I both asked the question and then stood there listening intently as the flustered tour guide helped clear things up for me.
Yes, this is our idea of fun.
While my husband’s kindness, intelligence, and downright goodness were some of the things that endeared him to me, I was also drawn to the fact that he found cinder blocking our Resident Assistant into his dorm room an acceptable past time. And while making jokes about sexual GPS systems being mounted to headboards (make a left at the hip bone and continue south…) is not always best when you’re actually in bed, my husband still enjoys my twisted and unfiltered sense of humor.
So tonight after he gives me my very own copy of Breaking Dawn (vampires…the gift that keeps on giving, and giving, and giving) and I show him the special something that I bought to wear, we’ll spend some quality time together then end up in front of our side by side sinks, a silly grin on my face, his body tensed knowing that at any moment I may donkey side kick him or spray him with water from my toothbrush.
Happy Valentine’s Day!
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