I have started and stopped writing this post more times than I can count, unsure of so many things, from questioning how it would be received, wondering if my site needed to be restructured before moving in this direction, and the biggest roadblock – deeming myself unworthy of adding my voice to the chorus of voices already out there, screaming the same thing.
Why should I bother? Who cares?
And yet the urge to write continues, the words form into sentences then paragraphs then posts then chapters in my mind.
Is it pride? Is it purpose?
Well, today I’ve decided that it doesn’t matter. Without sketching out a plan or giving this too much thought, thought being the place where my good intentions go to die, I am diving in and beginning to share with you my hopes for this site and for my writing moving forward.
Over the past five years, I have significantly altered both the course of my life and my family’s life as well as the daily structure of my existence. What matters to me and what drives my choice-making has changed, I believe for the better. Much better.
At thirty, I was embarrassed for people to learn that the girl voted Most Likely to Succeed was spending her days at home raising her babies, a blessing and privilege I coveted, planned for, and savored, by the way. And yet – shame and the feeling of losing myself crept in.
I wasn’t content. I wasn’t fulfilled. So I built a blog and then a business – status, success, and money followed quickly.
I wrote books. I worked with amazing clients. I traveled. It was a dream come true.
By forty, I wanted none of it. It turns out that status, success, money, and every dream I ever had coming true aren’t the source of contentment. And as we say in Celebrate Recovery, my life had become unmanageable. So I walked away.
And so today as I chimed in on yet another “I want to run away from home – who’s with me?” post on Facebook – a post I have written myself more times than I can count – I decided it’s time to commit to sharing what I’ve been doing for the past few years, how it has changed me, how it has changed my family.
I want to tell you why I left.
I want to tell you where I went.
I want to tell you why I’m back and where I’m going next. And I want you to come with me. Not to run away from home. But to create a life that you don’t want to leave.
Thanks for letting me share.