Mondays tear me up. More accurately, they tear me down.
I always knew I would be a stay-at-home mom, and immediately after giving birth to my first child, I decided that I never wanted to return to teaching. Our original family plan was to head back to the classroom when our first child entered kindergarten, putting our second child in full day daycare around the age of three. Once I became a mom, even the thought of dropping off my child at 6:45 every morning and picking him up at 5:00 every evening made me physically ill. It turned out that our two kid plan worked perfectly, but I was not built for the rest of the plan. I decided to change course. No, I jumped ship altogether.
When I felt the “return to work” date approaching, I threw a Hail Mary pass and created this blog. There was no way I could have guessed that a fledgling freelance writing career would develop into a marketing and professional writing business. Suddenly instead of throwing desperate passes, I was juggling.
This year is my son’s final year in pre-school, and while I love the idea of having my 9:00 to 4:00 to myself when he goes to kindergarten next year, there is a piece of me that aches at the thought. I think this tiny heartbreak is what kept me from enrolling him in five day pre-school, so every Monday he is home with me all day. What initially seemed like a dream – one day a week just to us! – has become a nightmare. Monday mornings are frantic in the offices of my clients, and while I try to run to the park, play board games, and plan crafts, the very source of income that allows my son to be home with me is keeping me from him.
And my heartbreak grows.
Yesterday was a bad day with unscheduled calls and last minute changes to plans. The weather added to the chaos as afternoon storms shifted to morning rain making a trip to the park and away from the computer impossible. Game after game, toy after toy, puzzle after puzzle was pushed to the side by my aggravated child while client after client demanded my attention.
I love what I do.
I miss my son.
Mondays are hard. And yesterday was a bad Monday.