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My Social Media Living Will

Today I clicked on the list of friend’s birthdays on Facebook like I do every day, partly to wish friends and loved ones a great birthday, and partly to be reminded that at some point four years ago I met someone for five minutes and accepted their friend request.

Except that today when I clicked on the list, I discovered that one of the people Facebook wanted me to wish a happy birthday to was actually a friend who is deceased.

My first reaction was to be angry at Facebook – Damn you, Zuckerberg!!! – but then I got to thinking.  What would happen to my online existence if my life on this earth ceased to be?  The thought was chilling and so I give you…

My Social Media Living Will

I hereby leave all of my poorly created and easily guessed passwords as well as the balance of my Paypal account to @slpowell.

My Skype accounts should be erased as should all text messages and “private” online communication.  Those I left behind will be happier believing I’ve only ever uttered positive words about them.

The words Twitter and Party should not be included in any of the following places:  my obituary, my eulogy, my memorial service program, or my tombstone.  Related: There should not be a Twitter hashtag created to commemorate my passing.  No #RIPResourcefulMom, no #ResourcefulWake, no #ResourcefulPassing, no #ResourcefulLove.

And under no circumstances should there be a Resourceful Mommy is Dead Twitter Party.

Free iPads to every 50th mourner!

My Twitter account should be suspended, my Facebook page memorialized, and Instagram should just go ahead and take all of my pictures and use them without permission like they were going to anyway.

All phones must be brown bagged at my funeral.  If you Instagram my coffin, I will haunt you, and not in a cool Casper way, but rather in a scary Poltergeist come through your laptop screen and get you kind of way.

She’s baaaaa-aaaack….

There will be no live tweeting of my burial.

In order to attend my funeral, you must prove that we’ve met IRL.  Conferences count.

Nobody should integrate the consonant blend “tw” into my death.  I’m not “Twone Too Soon,” I won’t be “Tworely Missed,” and no one should “Tweet My Untwimely Twassing.”

There will be no Vine videos of dirt being tossed on my coffin.

As for my blog, the five of you who read regularly can feel free to vote on what to do with the contents.  @Slpowell has the passwords.   Hint: Same as always.  Duh.

Addendum: Pennsylvania Dutch funerals involve a lot of food.  Eat it, don’t tweet it!

 

 

Comments

  1. 1

    You know I’m totally instagramming just so I can have an excuse to call Ghost Adventures to come exorcise my laptop.
    Shannan recently posted..Turning The Page

  2. 5

    I love this, vine dirt and all. p.s. I would like to inherit raspberry.
    Shaina recently posted..Savory Parmesan Granola

  3. 7

    Can we at least have a Google hangout to mourn your passing together?

    Seriously though, I have so many accounts online I feel sorry for the person that has to take care of it all if something happens to me.
    Jessica Sanders-Parmer recently posted..Early Learning with Ooka Island

  4. 13

    Haha! I love this. Also, I would totally watch that Ghost Adventures episode.
    Lindsay @ Laughing Lindsay recently posted..Teacher Interviews: It’s That Time of the Year Again

  5. 17

    Love this- though I think you might have stumbled onto a perfect use for vine! :)
    Elena recently posted..Travel Storytelling with Disney’s Story App

  6. 19

    Tweeting at a funeral… *shudder*

    People actually do that, I suppose. Seems disrespectful to both the dead and the surviving loved ones…even if social media was a big part of their lives.

    Twitter should have a way to memorialize an account like Facebook does though. For posterity’s sake and all.

    What I need to worry about is sorting out which of my works of fiction my husband should be forbidden from publishing for me posthumously. Because seriously, some of it was only written to be published under a pseudonym. Some things you want to write but don’t want to be remembered for. LOL
    Christina Gleason @ WELL, in THIS House recently posted..What Does Mental Illness Look Like?

  7. 23

    As much as I feel like this isn’t a FUNNY topic, this is awesome! I LOVE IT! Perhaps I should create one in draft form. I should probably also let my husband in on some of my passwords! 😉

    And, I do birthday wishes (or removals) first thing in the morning.
    Sara Phillips recently posted..Igloo Yukon 150 Cooler {#Review}

  8. 28

    This made me smile…even though I’m dealing with death this week as well. Social media can be a strange thing at times but you’ve reminded me of what’s important and that’s being able to laugh in the midst of tragedy.

    Thank you.
    Sondra Drahos recently posted..May the Fourth Be With You

    • 29

      One of my favorite moments on my all time favorite Indigo Girls CD is when one of them says, “You have to laugh at yourself sometimes because you’d cry your eyes out if you didn’t.” Glad this made you smile!

  9. 30

    LOL!! :) that was awesome

  10. 32

    I don’t want to miss anything but don’t think I’ll be able to afford the travel costs for your unless I come up with a sponsor. If I do find a sponsor may I hand out their business cards and t-shirts during the funeral?
    Kat recently posted..Writer’s Workshop: Moby Dick

    • 33

      Sponsors are welcome, but you’ll have to pay an increased fee to attend the funeral because the cost of the event is based on the sponsors already involved. Be sure to follow the FTC guidelines for disclosing sponsored memorial events.

  11. 34

    Facebook has really changed the way people grieve. A few years ago our family lost my cousin who was in her early 20’s to a fatal car accident. The first weeks after that were incredibly difficult, with facebook urging me to post on her wall before they changed the account to a memorial page. People still use her facebook page and “talk” to her like she’s still here. It’s really unnerving to me to see her friends and family posting pictures and stuff all the time, but it seems to give comfort to her mother when she reads the messages.

    I personally want all of my online existence deleted when I’m gone.

  12. 36

    This is awesome! @SLPowell and I will mourn you on Skype in a private chat room if that’s ok with a lot of emoticons, of course.
    Leticia- Tech Savvy Mama recently posted..How Club Penguin Teaches Kids About Safe Social Networking

    • 37

      I think that’s perfect. You can use the (bandit) emoticon to let each other know if there’s been an Amy’s ghost sighting.

  13. 38

    I actually have to think of this quite often, given my 12 Dr’s agreeing I won’t make it past 50-all due to their misdiagnosis and no treatment of advanced lupus for over 13yrs. I won’t see my daughter go to college. I’ve been trying to fight it (that’s why I’ve disappeared from parties for quite a while), but it has cost us everything. Most of my Twitter “family” knows I’ve been sick, and needed the parties for comfort and to keep us afloat. When I go, I’d like to save only my Twitter for my daughter, and I hope to start a private blog/diary for her soon.

  14. 39

    Loved your post, Amy. :-)

  15. 40

    *hand raised* as regular reader and I know there are more than five of us, hehehe. I’m starting to think of what I will do with all the hours and hours of time I’ll have if you aren’t tweeting and posting. Hmmm, maybe clean house? Nah.
    Kelly from Kelly’s Lucky You recently posted..The Real Cost of Medical Issues or Accidents

  16. 41

    clever :)
    carma recently posted..Kittens on the Brain – Redux!

  17. 42

    We have experienced numerous losses over the past year, it is so hard seeing their last post on Facebook. My husband & I have worked out arrangements to close all social media accounts. Who would have thought to add this to a will a decade ago?

Trackbacks

  1. […] Chances are you’ve probably dealt with your personal will but does it include a social media will? Even though it’s hard to think about our demise, it’s never too early to make a plan and these days your plan should include next steps for your social media accounts. If you’re in need of an example, Amy Lupold Bair shares hers through My Social Media Living Will. […]

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