Bloggers. We Need to Talk.

I often say that I’m incredibly grateful that social media came into existence long after my high school and college days. By the time I was first asked to update my status, I was a happily married, peacefully boring, stay-at-home mom. This saved everyone in my generation from the incredible embarrassment of acting a fool in the digital world for all of posterity to Google and see.

Or did it?

Bloggers. What is happening?!?

In the last year or so I have watched a strange storm brewing, a little something I’d like to call the I NEED TO GET INVITED OR I WILL DIE syndrome. Now listen. I get it. I wanted to get into Columbia University and I still remember hyperventilating in my parents’ kitchen when the wait-listed letter arrived. It was like the cutest boy in the school saying I was almost worthy and I should hang in there in case the head cheerleader he really wanted to date was hit by a bus or something. PAINFUL. So I understand! We all want to feel worthy and wanted.

But I’m here to tell you that an invitation to a blogging event (read those two words again and soak it in…) does not define your worth.


I know what you’re thinking. “But Amy, you’re super cool and get invited to all the things so who are you to talk?”


That’s not even a little true. Yes, there have been moments over the last seven years of this blogging shiz where I’ve seen bloggers on a trip and thought, “Are you kidding me? I would have been perfect for that. That is SO my thing.”

But do you know who I told about my disappointment? 



Remember that guy that you used to complain to at night when you first became a mom and you’d see another mom on the playground during the day who was breastfeeding in public/bottle feeding with formula/texting too much on her cell phone/feeding her child a non-organic banana/allowing her child under ten to go on the playground equipment that is CLEARLY marked for children age ten and older? omgbecky

Talk to that guy! He loves you unconditionally, bless his heart!

Or your friends in private Facebook groups or chats. You know, the girlfriends you trust most, the ones who don’t live only on your public Twitter feed.

And as someone who has been on the other side of the invitation list creation at various times over the years, there’s something else I need to let you in on…lean in…


It’s not always about you.

Yes, some people aren’t invited to X, Y, or Z because they don’t play well with others. Maybe you throw sand in the other kids’ faces and no one wants you in their sandbox. But it’s much more likely that you weren’t invited because no one thought to invite you. Not because they didn’t intentionally choose to not invite you.

Maybe the next week they saw you in their Facebook feed and thought, gosh darn it, I meant to include her in that invitation!! 


Maybe they thought about inviting you, but there’s actually something better coming up three months from now and they really want to save your name for that invitation list.

Or maybe you’re just not on the event’s radar.

You know what you don’t want to do to get on that radar?






Even if you already bought the whole family matching outfits.

Even if you already told your boss you were taking that time off.

Even if….ANYTHING.

Say it with me: “Emotional blackmail is never the way to someone’s heart.”

And again I say, unless this blogger event is a one on one audience with the Pope, lunch with the President of the United States, or perhaps a day with your brought back from the dead favorite grandmother, no invitation is worth trading in your dignity.

Let’s embrace being totally happy people, not defined by our inbox, not willing to sell our souls or status updates for a chance at a couple days in a place where anyone can go anytime anyway.

Let’s do this together.

We’re worth it.





Leave a Reply


  • I want to know how much fun you had digging up all those images.

    You’re awesome.

    And I’m glad I don’t have to listen to the crazies year after year.

    • SO MUCH FUN! This post started to write itself while I was mopping the floors. Maybe it was the basil scent. Maybe it was the open windows. Suddenly I had to sit down and bust this out. IT FELT SO GOOD.

  • Slow clap.

  • This. Just this. 🙂

  • Kelby stole my .

    You said all the things I would say, so I’ll just say YES.

  • Carolyn G

    Thank you!

  • And guess what folks! If you are on social media saying that YOU should have been invited, you are also saying that someone else SHOULDN’T have been invited.

    That’s just not cool.

  • I feel like I really missed something because I don’t even know what event I didn’t get invited to.

    I guess that’s a good thing because I don’t have any of the aforementioned drama queens in my feeds? (Yay for all of you awesome people I keep in touch with!)

    • I don’t have it in my feed generally either. It’s everywhere else. Facebook groups. Twitter. My inbox. And it also isn’t An Event. It’s ALL THE EVENTS. Every one seems to get worse and worse and worse…

  • So many things are right in this post. So many! Are we professionals, or are we not? Professionals don’t virtually cry over spilled milk and missed invites. Let’s get it together.

  • Truth! It had to be said.

  • There are so many opportunities out there for bloggers and heck, if one doesn’t seem to fall in your lap- make an event happen. It doesn’t have to be a HUGE event with hundreds of people to be successful. Find several local bloggers, have supper and let the magic happen!

    • YES! And you know what happens if you plan it yourself? You get to hang out with the people you want to spend time with in the place you’d like to be in!

  • I feel like this needs to be a keynote speech. And then reprinted on tee shirts. And journals.

    • Let’s just tattoo it on new bloggers when they purchase their first URL.

  • excellent!! You just wrote what I have had pinned up inside for a decade! Thank you!!!!!

    • Oh, Maria, you’ve gone from the frying pan into the fire with your incredibly successful Beaches event. How are you not losing your mind?!?!

  • OMG YES! It’s not malicious and on purpose and all about you. TRUTH. Many people personalize everything. It’s tiresome.

  • Killer post and so true. I hate seeing these types of pity parties on social media. Really not becoming & definitely doesn’t build the case for people to WANT to invite you. I shall continue to muffle my own tears into my pillow… with dignity 😉

  • So well said. Truly. One of the best points you made is “It’s not always about you.” I wish more bloggers would understand this. I’ve been invited to some events and I’ve NOT been invited to many events. So many things go into invites to an event, you just can’t take it personal. And you shouldnt take it to the world wide web.

  • I heart this, Amy. I can’t believe some of the things I’ve seen online lately. Shocking really.

  • I remember years ago complaining to my sister that I didn’t make a popular list (BABBLE) and she was all, “what even IS that Kat? That’s not the real world. Who cares?” It became my mantra. This is not the real world…who cares? Invitations can be perks, but they often come with work attached to them. Being named on lists is great, but they often come with a ridiculous amount of spam emails attached to them. Just enjoy the ride people. Whatever that might be. This was a lovely reminder!

    • I have actually met adults between the ages of 30 and 55 who do not have Facebook accounts and haven’t read a blog post.

      They exist.


      There’s a whole world out there where none of this matters!

  • YES!!! “Emotional blackmail is never the way to someone’s heart.”

    I want to print that out, make it up into a flyer, and hand it out in the junior high hallways…and then make it into a meme and paste it on ALL THE FACEBOOK PAGES, because apparently that’s the level people are choosing to behave at now.

    • I’m fairly sure this post got my name into a couple slam books.

  • This is so awesome! I love every word!

  • Right now, in my head, we’re like, Best Friends. <3 this.

  • Absolutely! All that’s missing from this post for me, is for you to end it with … *drops mic, and walks away* 😉

  • Amen. I’ve been saying this to my husband for years. Be grateful for what you do have and applaud others who get amazing opportunities. Cheer them on and be genuinely happy for them.

  • Not to mention it’s damn unprofessional and a good way to ensure that you aren’t invited to the next event either.

  • Well shoot. Gosh darn it. haha. Thank you for this! Exactly on point!!

  • I love being regular.

  • This is pretty amazing. I’m so glad some of our mutual friends, many who have commented above, shares your post. When/If I ever get a chance to meet you I will give you a high five and a smile. Love everything about this post – the message and the delivery are so on point!

  • Bloggers are like Sneetches. Some of us need the stars everyone else has until we realize we don’t want to be like everyone else and then when everyone pulls the stars off we want them back.

  • this is awesome. My response to seeing people at great events is please hide me in your suitcase next time cause I bring cookies. Truth is I get excited seeing others get invited that I forget I wasn’t.

  • Well said Amy. I’d also add this little gem for required reading. Good for bloggers, good for life.

  • Yes And Yes please and thank you!

  • Well said. Best part, even if it IS about you, whining about it is not the way to change anyone’s opinion. Favorite line: “Say it with me: ‘Emotional blackmail is never the way to someone’s heart.’ “

  • LOVE the Scarlett gif- sooooo funny, because it’s true. Dignity is a priceless commodity. MWAH.

  • This! I appreciate your ability to articulate this important message. I began blogging for myself with no expectations for validation but to do my own thing and hopefully connect to others.

    I had received negative comments after being invited to a big event. I chose not to address them. Some were surprising but I saw it as coming from someone that was hurting and disappointed. I don’t believe in keeping score, judging who/who isn’t deserving and just wish everyone well in their personal blogging goals. Your post really helps put things in perspective. Thanks

  • This post was shared in my local bloggers group and the girls are all abuzz about it. I have been on both sides of this invitee thing and of course one side is more fun , but it’s great to see other people have a chance at special events , too . It’s a real issue , for sure! I just gotta ‘ say that I LOL ‘d at your graphics . Best post I have seen all week. 🙂

  • Two finger whistle … (Yea the one I can’t do in real life)

  • Bahahahahahahaha oh my god! Seriously this is freaking gold.

  • oh my gosh Amy, yes. Thank you so much for gracefully putting this concept into perspective. You said it beautifully. We have all been there, that missed out feeling, but as you said do it privately: to yourself, with your besties.

  • This is genius! Perfectly genius. Thank you.

  • I’ve called this before. It’s high school all over again. I didn’t appreciate it thru, I don’t appreciate it now.

  • *then not thru

  • THIS!!! I love it!! Talk to your husband, private message REAL friends, not Twitter! I love it so hard!! It’s exactly why I left some blogging groups that have turned into why not me and omg look what she did groups! Great job!

  • YES! Thank you for writing what many of us have been thinking for years. And thank you for digging up these hilarious images!

  • Yes ma’am. I’d like just one week where I don’t want to update my status to read: “I haz the eye rollz.”

  • Patrick Wright

    Thank you.

  • Not many truer words have ever been spoken, Amy. This is SPOT ON! Love it and thank you!!! I’ve missed your writing a lot, BTW. 🙂

  • love this. I’m totally going to relax now.

  • Wish I could keep liking this post! I get embarrassed for bloggers that do this. How many times do you think this works? I would say never.

  • Janice Brady

    Amen!! Outstanding!

  • I absolutely love this post! I had to get over wanting to be invited to everything and realize my time to be invited to any event would come when it was time. I’m happy to say I’m in a much better place now. I kept my thoughts in my head though. Ha ha ha!

  • Girl, you had me at Taylor Swift! And I love you and your true words. I’m going to have to pour the unawesome I’ve witnessed lately into your ear soon so you can write a wonderful post about it. I don’t even have the energy at this point!

  • Amen. I am just surprised and grateful when I do get invited! Life is too short!

  • Amen! Truth! Thank you. 🙂

  • Thanks for this, Amy! Let’s put on our big girl undies and behave like this isn’t our first rodeo (sorry to mix metaphors, but it works, right?)!
    Not only about blogging events, but life in general. Keep your head up, friends!

  • Love this post! So absolutely true. All of it!

  • … but now, all I wanna do is find the whining, complaining posts on Twitter. Darn it, I can’t find them and I already made popcorn!

  • YES! So good!

  • Aaaaaaamen sista!

  • I didn’t even know there was something going on that I wasn’t invited to. Sometimes it’s good to be clueless. Unless it was a date with Alan Rickman. I’m gonna be pissed if I didn’t get invited to that.

    • There’s always something, but I suspect it’s not the kind of company you keep.

      **makes a note to set up an Alan Rickman meet and greet to have an excuse to hang out with Jenny**

  • Very well said. Thank you for saying what so many of us want to say to those who complain out loud to the world! 🙂

    • Maybe if more of us quietly whisper, “Psst! Your fly is down!” to the bloggers around us, the feeling that this behavior is acceptable and appropriate will start to go away.

  • And there’s this too: this isn’t personal. It’s business. Sometimes clients have very specific requirements for attendees: number of followers, Klout score, frequency of posting…WHATEVER. I wouldn’t invite myself to some of my events. Seems to me, if you’re taking it that personally, you’re not thinking of it as as business at all. If you were, you’d be thinking: “what can I do to enhance my social media presence so that they will invite me next time?? Rather than just moaning and crying at the injustice of it all.
    So, yeah, sometimes it is about you. Your blog is not a good fit for the brand. Or you don’t tend to cover events you go to. Or you do too much work for a competitive brand. Or your numbers aren’t high enough. Work to make it better. You’ll be invited next time. And I can’t say this enough: this is BUSINESS. It’s not a party – or a vacation. It’s not personal.Take care of the business and the invites will come.

  • Very funny and very true!