Imagine feeling taller.
Imagine feeling stronger from the inside out.
Imagine knowing and BELIEVING that you are strong.
It is time to carry the weight of empowerment instead of the weight of our flaws on our shoulders.
This morning I met with my physical therapist for the first time. I haven’t been specific when talking about my “injuries” on my blog partly because it’s such a personal subject, but partly because just giving a little bit of information allows readers to use their imaginations to fill in the blanks (it’s probably worse than you’re imagining…or maybe not nearly as bad as THAT…goodness!). With that said, I’m going to just put it out there and share that this particular physical therapist sees women for pelvic floor physical therapy. Hopefully at this point you’ve stopped guessing what exactly is broken inside of me and you’re amusing yourself trying to guess what those exercises entail. Sadly, they aren’t nearly as interesting as you might hope.
There is a part of me that left the physical therapy feeling motivated and empowered. I have pages of exercises I will do daily, and those exercises will help me avoid surgery. I also have a list of exercises to avoid and the alternative ways to continue losing weight and gaining strength with the other Mamavation Moms.
But I also found out definitively that running is off the table for me.
I am having a very difficult time letting go. Four months ago the idea of running a 5K – or even the idea of running to the end of the block without getting winded – seemed like an impossibility. But then I became this woman who runs three minutes without stopping, then ten minutes without stopping, then twenty minutes without stopping. I didn’t recognize this new person, but I loved her. She did some crazy things, including running that 5K. And it felt so, so good.
I want to keep pushing my body and the idea of having to find a new way to do that to the same degree is paralyzing right now. The idea of letting go of the amazing feeling I had running is more than I want to think about.
So today I’m going to try to take my friend’s advice and Just. Be. Enough. At the moment, it is all I have the strength to do.