Yesterday evening I received this email from LinkedIn:
It took me a moment to realize that I received the congratulations from the ever awesome Lisa over at A Daily Pinch because today, July 22nd, is the sixth anniversary of my first blog post. My reaction? Numbness.
For my first bloggiversary, I did what I at the time did best – held an insanely huge Twitter Party with several hundred people. The second year was celebrated with a series of giveaways. Last year was contemplative, but the last couple years seem to have in common the fact that I nearly missed my bloggiversary entirely. Had it not been for that email yesterday, this year would have come and gone with no fanfare at all.
The truth is that at this very moment, I feel like I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place. I’m a man without a country. I’m…well, I’m hearing this verse in my head an awful lot:
No one can serve two masters. Either you will hate the one and love the other, or you will be devoted to the one and despise the other… Matthew 6:24
A couple years ago just as the steam was building and this blog train was barreling down the tracks, I began to feel like it was time for an abrupt change. I made a laundry list of said changes, acted on them swiftly, then blissfully ignored the doubts and condemnation from those around me. With so much nonsense removed from my life, I suddenly found myself asking lots of why and what questions.
What was the point of all of this social media craziness?
Why have I been so incredibly blessed?
What I am I supposed to do now?
I spent a lot of time here:
And, well, a lot of time here:
And over the period of at least the last year, I’ve felt a nagging down deep inside of me saying, “Now come work for Me.”
It excited me. It terrified me. It confused me.
I prayed often for clarity and wisdom, perhaps a powerful connection making my next steps clear. I questioned whether or not I could live the life that would be demanded of me should I follow the path I was beginning to feel called to. I still question this daily. And then one tiny step after another, I began to move away from chasing my own dreams and began to think mostly about building the Kingdom. If for one moment this sounds like a sacrifice, let me assure you it is not. The truth is that I’ve accomplished far more of my own hopes and dreams than I ever fathomed possible.
This is not about sacrifice. This is about gratitude.
So as I sit here and wonder how to celebrate six years of Resourceful Mommy, six years of owning my own business, of sharing my life with anyone who should wander by, I feel torn on how to mark the occasion. I began this journey as someone desperate to be seen and heard, dying to have an identity all her own, and I sit here today praying for the courage to die to self.
For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me and for the gospel will save it. – Mark 8:35
Six years of blessings poured down on my life, blessings I could have never imagined. Six years of being able to pour out myself through words, a passion long before this blog and a necessity until my final days. I am in awe, and I am ready for whatever comes next.