Last week Emma turned nine. I took some pictures, dropped off a class treat at school, ordered her favorite take-out, and watched her open her gifts. Last weekend five of her best girlfriends came over and they had a sleepunder that included all of the best sleepover characteristics but ended with the girls all going home to sleep in their own beds. We had an amazing time and I watched, shocked that my baby girl had solidly landed in the tween years and was loving every moment of it.
I got to the end of the weekend and realized something: I hadn’t blogged any of it.
Last year there was the day of post followed by the post about cakes and even a post about sibling birthday parties. One birthday, three posts. This year it just didn’t dawn on me to blog any of it – not the day, not the party, and not the cake that fell apart and was rebuilt. I’ve taken a step back from blogging to recover from a very busy four months as I worked on the book project, but I think there’s more to it.
I feel like more and more, the stories I want to tell are changing. Sometimes I feel like I simply have less to say, and other times the words are there, but I don’t have the courage to share them. Yet.
When I began this blog five years ago, I was desperate for a voice. At home with a five and a two year old, my days were spent living completely for others. My husband would call from work at lunch each day and our conversations looked something like this:
How is your day going? What’s on tap for the afternoon?
I’ve got a meeting with my lawyers and then I’m heading over to the State Department. You?
Same here. The kids and I are having our lawyers over for lunch and then I think we’ll play Little People with the President.
I was exactly where I wanted to be, and yet I hungered for something more. I wanted to add another layer to my life. And so I began blogging, first about a car and a couch and then about so, so much more.
You have all graciously allowed me to take you on the twists and turns as I blogged about everything from social good to weight loss to my embarrassingly frequent trips to Walt Disney World.
I am grateful for that. And I’m grateful that you’re with me now, here in the quiet as I figure out where to go next…